I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
