I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
