every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
