Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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