I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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