so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
