Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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