i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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