So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
