The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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