he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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