Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
