I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
