hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
