My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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