Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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