The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You dont lie about slip and slides
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
