bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
