anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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