Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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