On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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