In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
