I looked at my own cervix.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
