she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
