I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
