I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
