Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
