I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
