i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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