The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
