I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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