I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
