U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
