It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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