Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
