So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
