i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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