We're facebook friends in real life
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
