so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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