He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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