What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
