I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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