3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
