break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
