I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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