He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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