i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
