I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
