Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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