Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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