i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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