dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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