if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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