I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
