suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone came in the potted fern
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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