i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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