last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
