I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
