he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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