apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
