My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
