i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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