WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
