He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
