so let's talk penis.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
