miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize