So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
