next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
