There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
