don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
